independent and unofficial
Prince fan community
Forum jump
Forums > General Discussion > I feel like a failure
« Previous topic  Next topic »
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
Author

Tweet     Share

Message
Thread started 05/26/20 10:47am

AvocadosMax

I feel like a failure

Idk what i wanna do as a career. The dream i have just feels more impossible by the day. I feel like i let my mom, who passed away when i was 5, i let her down. If there is a Heaven then she’s looking down at me and shaking her head.

I pushed so many people away with what I perceived as edgy dark humor. I thought it helped me. I thought it mentally made me stronger by laughing at it like its not a problem for me. But acting like this only tucked it under the covers or however you wanna phrase it. And I’ve lost so many friends with my stupid behavior

I knew my mental health wasn’t totally solid but since this pandemic its just gotten worse and worse. I thought i’d be prepared because i grew up isolated anyways

I feel like I don’t even know who i am anymore. I can’t focus on one thing. I can’t finish a project once i start it. I just wanna run away from this life. I don’t wanna be me anymore.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #1 posted 05/26/20 11:52am

luv4u

Moderator

avatar

moderator

AvocadosMax said:

Idk what i wanna do as a career. The dream i have just feels more impossible by the day. I feel like i let my mom, who passed away when i was 5, i let her down. If there is a Heaven then she’s looking down at me and shaking her head. I pushed so many people away with what I perceived as edgy dark humor. I thought it helped me. I thought it mentally made me stronger by laughing at it like its not a problem for me. But acting like this only tucked it under the covers or however you wanna phrase it. And I’ve lost so many friends with my stupid behavior I knew my mental health wasn’t totally solid but since this pandemic its just gotten worse and worse. I thought i’d be prepared because i grew up isolated anyways I feel like I don’t even know who i am anymore. I can’t focus on one thing. I can’t finish a project once i start it. I just wanna run away from this life. I don’t wanna be me anymore.



First off I must say thank you for reaching out. I hope you have also reached out to friends and family to help you out of the dark hole.

I must say that you need to get counselling asap to help you deal with your mental health issues. This is THE #1 priority. rose

And because of the above you are not ready to consider your career options, not yet. When you have dealt with your mental health issues then seek the career advice of a career counsellor or go seek advice at the school of your interest when you feel ready.

Whenever you're faced with adversity don't ever give up. You never ever know what opportunities the next sunrise in the morning brings. Might take many sunrises but it will come.

As for your mother, just know she is proud of your accomplishments. Talk to her, she can hear you. Ask for her help. Ask for a sign from her.

Love and Light hug




Edmonton, AB - canada
Mod Goddess of the SNIP & BAN Making Moves - OF4S
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture!
REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince
"I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #2 posted 05/26/20 12:18pm

alphastreet

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. Luv4u gave some good advice here and I hope things improve for you, cause it’s never too late
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #3 posted 05/26/20 1:32pm

Dalia11

Hi, you are young and have time to find out what career path you will choose.

You should focus on your positive qualities and be around positive people. You wrote that some did not like your dark humor. Then communicate light/commical humor. Laughing about positive things can be healing!
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #4 posted 05/26/20 3:55pm

PURplEMaPLeSyr
up

avatar

AvocadosMax said:

Idk what i wanna do as a career. The dream i have just feels more impossible by the day. I feel like i let my mom, who passed away when i was 5, i let her down. If there is a Heaven then she’s looking down at me and shaking her head. I pushed so many people away with what I perceived as edgy dark humor. I thought it helped me. I thought it mentally made me stronger by laughing at it like its not a problem for me. But acting like this only tucked it under the covers or however you wanna phrase it. And I’ve lost so many friends with my stupid behavior I knew my mental health wasn’t totally solid but since this pandemic its just gotten worse and worse. I thought i’d be prepared because i grew up isolated anyways I feel like I don’t even know who i am anymore. I can’t focus on one thing. I can’t finish a project once i start it. I just wanna run away from this life. I don’t wanna be me anymore.

i recently read this book called "becoming supernatural" by joe dispenza and i would be glad to send it to you if you want. its about how behind this world is an infinite swirling blackness of possibility from which everything originates, and how to connect to that source and bring what you want into this world. verrry powerful stuff there. i think prince was hip to this on some level. its related to the writings of neville goddard, a very intriguing philosopher.

another technique i recently learned about is eft (emotional freedom technique) aka tapping, which is a free, easy, powerful thing based on acupressure theory, to help overcome all the trauma the world throws at us. i think there is a how-to video on thetappingsolution.com

i can relate to regretting saying many things for many years, hehe, and congratulations on wanting to change at such a young age smile changing the present a little bit at a time changes the past and future as well. you realize the power of the spoken word, so keep asking out loud for the way.

some of my personal sources of inspiration are prayer, fasting, the bible, and childrens fantasy books, but i know this is different for everyone. i like that the bible says that people who pass away are asleep. so i think dreams are where we still meet sometimes.

one key thing for me is to differentiate between "life" and "the world." life is breath is always good, and the world is what gets in the way of life. so its ok to want to run inside from the world, to retreat to your life and be renewed, and then reemerge to reshape the world.

i would like to be of help to you. peace.

flowing through the veins of the tree of life...purplemaplesyrup
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #5 posted 05/26/20 4:02pm

RJP1205

You care and if you didn't you wouldn't have written this so you are not a failure! Your mother would hug on you so hard! A mother's love is deeper than you can imagine and she would love you no matter what! Try to remember that our current situation is not easy and there is no right or wrong way to cope with a pandemic...it affects everyone differently. Hang tight and don't give up because things will get better. Definitely speak to a professional, they will help you get your mindset on track. Not having a career or losing friends does not define your character...in fact, you could use this time to improve the areas of yourself so you come out stronger & better when new career choices and friends come your way. Never give up!
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #6 posted 05/26/20 6:16pm

AvocadosMax

thanks guys

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #7 posted 05/27/20 2:56pm

PURplEMaPLeSyr
up

avatar

one other useful thing i thought of is keeping a gratitude journal, and daily giving thanks for at least one thing. i started about a year ago and now there are dozens of things i can think of daily, in spite of the things that go wrong.

also i think if u have big dreams, the bigger the dream is, the longer it can take to build its unseen foundation, so just hold onto it and do what you can when you can, and it will happen. wink

flowing through the veins of the tree of life...purplemaplesyrup
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #8 posted 05/28/20 12:01am

nextedition

avatar

Hope this helps but stop believing your thoughts!

A lot of things you wrote are made up only by yourself.

You don't know how your mother would think of you now.

Your mind made that up.

Did friends really say: i don't wanna be friends with you because of your edgy dark humor?

Maybe they are still your friends but you think they are not?

Most things we are down about are just made up in our minds.

This helped me alot, hope it does the same for you!

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #9 posted 05/28/20 9:33pm

Germanegro

avatar

You are living--an essential being unto yourself, dark-humored or not! Life is full of possibilities so carry on each day with eyes open wide to discover them as they approach--as ideas, people, opportunities to travel, work, not work, study, etc come your way or as you move to them.
>
Breathe and focus on your calmness. Read a book! Find one that will engage your mind, then commence with absorbing the story and the knowledge. This may help to fortify your mind and inspire your next action.
peace
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Forums > General Discussion > I feel like a failure