independent and unofficial
Prince fan community
Forum jump
Forums > General Discussion > Losing Friends
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Reply   New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
Author

Tweet     Share

Message
Thread started 05/17/20 7:53am

FullLipsDotNos
e

avatar

Losing Friends

It's really hard for me to write this down, but: I've been losing friends lately. I don't know if this has something to do with us going crazy because of the virus, but I've lost two friends since the outbreak.

In the first case, it was me who said, "Enough." This person hurt me with what they said. My ex-friend keeps sending me videos from time to time. I don't know what to say. They hurt me, but I still haven't found the courage to tell them why (OK, maybe they know, I did it after a heated discussion) or to discuss it at all. It hurts me though because we were friends for like 10 years.

In the second case, it was the other person. They said I brought up our personal issues with others. I only wanted to resolve some problems we've had at work, so I reached out to someone else from the same organisation to help us. But when I told the ex-friend the problems and what I had said to that person (just work issues), they told me it was just veiled personal problems. As I was angry, I told them they were a bad and a horrible person. Granted, I shouldn't have said that, but I was really angry that they thought I had some hidden agenda. (By the way, the mediating coworker has still been silent.)

It just breaks my heart. I'm afraid of losing everyone. I don't get it.

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #1 posted 05/17/20 8:53am

gandorb

FullLipsDotNose said:

It's really hard for me to write this down, but: I've been losing friends lately. I don't know if this has something to do with us going crazy because of the virus, but I've lost two friends since the outbreak.

In the first case, it was me who said, "Enough." This person hurt me with what they said. My ex-friend keeps sending me videos from time to time. I don't know what to say. They hurt me, but I still haven't found the courage to tell them why (OK, maybe they know, I did it after a heated discussion) or to discuss it at all. It hurts me though because we were friends for like 10 years.

In the second case, it was the other person. They said I brought up our personal issues with others. I only wanted to resolve some problems we've had at work, so I reached out to someone else from the same organisation to help us. But when I told the ex-friend the problems and what I had said to that person (just work issues), they told me it was just veiled personal problems. As I was angry, I told them they were a bad and a horrible person. Granted, I shouldn't have said that, but I was really angry that they thought I had some hidden agenda. (By the way, the mediating coworker has still been silent.)

It just breaks my heart. I'm afraid of losing everyone. I don't get it.

Sorry for your hard times. I am not sure if your are seeking feedback or just needing some support. The one thing I can say is that perhaps that long friendship you mentioned initially still has a chance to work out. The key ingredient is to express what you felt hurt about. I have learned that When people discussed their hurt feelings in regards to the relationship it sometimes works out better than angry communications. Also, it is the nature of many long term relationships to go through rough patches, and working through those periods can make it stronger. Good luck.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #2 posted 05/17/20 9:00am

S2DG

twocents

It hurts sometimes but, as cliche as it sounds, it makes room for the new people in your life.

We all grow and change and sometime friends are really the friend of the old you which is hard to see.

You will make new friends that enjoy the current you and maybe even the one you're working on.

Keep growing, being a good person and realize this is a human condition.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #3 posted 05/17/20 9:59am

FullLipsDotNos
e

avatar

gandorb said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

It's really hard for me to write this down, but: I've been losing friends lately. I don't know if this has something to do with us going crazy because of the virus, but I've lost two friends since the outbreak.

In the first case, it was me who said, "Enough." This person hurt me with what they said. My ex-friend keeps sending me videos from time to time. I don't know what to say. They hurt me, but I still haven't found the courage to tell them why (OK, maybe they know, I did it after a heated discussion) or to discuss it at all. It hurts me though because we were friends for like 10 years.

In the second case, it was the other person. They said I brought up our personal issues with others. I only wanted to resolve some problems we've had at work, so I reached out to someone else from the same organisation to help us. But when I told the ex-friend the problems and what I had said to that person (just work issues), they told me it was just veiled personal problems. As I was angry, I told them they were a bad and a horrible person. Granted, I shouldn't have said that, but I was really angry that they thought I had some hidden agenda. (By the way, the mediating coworker has still been silent.)

It just breaks my heart. I'm afraid of losing everyone. I don't get it.

Sorry for your hard times. I am not sure if your are seeking feedback or just needing some support. The one thing I can say is that perhaps that long friendship you mentioned initially still has a chance to work out. The key ingredient is to express what you felt hurt about. I have learned that When people discussed their hurt feelings in regards to the relationship it sometimes works out better than angry communications. Also, it is the nature of many long term relationships to go through rough patches, and working through those periods can make it stronger. Good luck.

Hey, I'm open to both. I know I'm not the best person and I've already apologised to the second person for calling them bad and horrible (I sent them a text). I haven't said anything to them since and I don't want to make things worse. We both work remotely, so we usually don't see each other in eprson when we work, but I think we'll still have to write each other an email from time to time.

-

I will take some time to think about what I will tell the first person. I would like to talk to them somehow, but I'm afraid I'll mess up. But I'm sorry about it all and it seems that the person in question wants to keep in touch.
-

With regards to the second person, do I get it right you think it's not worth it? Sorry if I've misunderstood you.

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #4 posted 05/17/20 10:53am

gandorb

FullLipsDotNose said:

gandorb said:

Sorry for your hard times. I am not sure if your are seeking feedback or just needing some support. The one thing I can say is that perhaps that long friendship you mentioned initially still has a chance to work out. The key ingredient is to express what you felt hurt about. I have learned that When people discussed their hurt feelings in regards to the relationship it sometimes works out better than angry communications. Also, it is the nature of many long term relationships to go through rough patches, and working through those periods can make it stronger. Good luck.

Hey, I'm open to both. I know I'm not the best person and I've already apologised to the second person for calling them bad and horrible (I sent them a text). I haven't said anything to them since and I don't want to make things worse. We both work remotely, so we usually don't see each other in eprson when we work, but I think we'll still have to write each other an email from time to time.

-

I will take some time to think about what I will tell the first person. I would like to talk to them somehow, but I'm afraid I'll mess up. But I'm sorry about it all and it seems that the person in question wants to keep in touch.
-

With regards to the second person, do I get it right you think it's not worth it? Sorry if I've misunderstood you.

I am not in a position to specifically advice you to do anything with your friendships, because you have the history with them and have more of a personal sense of the pros and cons of continuing to pursue the respective friendships. I also am far from perfect in these types of situations in my own life. Things to consider are how long and deep of a friendship it is, what is the history of conflict in the relationship, does the other person ever seem to listen to and try to understand you, and do they at least occasionally take responsibility for the mistakes in their life. I imagine a work relationship is more complicated in that it could be more risky if things worsen and you still have to work with them. Sometimes it is best in those situations to find some middle ground in which you don't divulge too much personal stuff so it won't be used against you. But a friendship of 10 year, t seems like something else, especially if it isn't typically toxic. Hope this helps a little.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #5 posted 05/17/20 11:33am

EmmaMcG

avatar

I've lost more friends than I can count. And if I'm being honest, half the time it was my own fault because I was a bit of a bitch in my teens. And the other half, when it wasn't my fault, I made no attempt at reconciliation because I figured if this person is really going to act like this, then I'm better off without them. But that's just me. I've always been a bit anti social, or as my husband says "a bitch" 😂.

In your case I'm guessing that the pressures of everything that's going on in the world might have something to do with it. I've spoken to you a bit in here in the past and from what I can tell you're a really nice girl, well meaning and attentive to other people's feelings. Basically, you're one of the good ones. Maybe you lack a bit of confidence but I'd take that over the opposite any day. What I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it. Friends come and go. Fallings out happen. If you are able to remain friends then you know that the friendship is strong. If you lose touch, then it wasn't that strong to begin with.

I also just want to say that even though you say it's not an easy thing to discuss, the fact that you did is a good thing. A problem shared is a problem halved. And you know that regardless of how things turn out with these friends, you always have friends on here.
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #6 posted 05/17/20 11:41am

FullLipsDotNos
e

avatar

EmmaMcG said:

I've lost more friends than I can count. And if I'm being honest, half the time it was my own fault because I was a bit of a bitch in my teens. And the other half, when it wasn't my fault, I made no attempt at reconciliation because I figured if this person is really going to act like this, then I'm better off without them. But that's just me. I've always been a bit anti social, or as my husband says "a bitch" 😂. In your case I'm guessing that the pressures of everything that's going on in the world might have something to do with it. I've spoken to you a bit in here in the past and from what I can tell you're a really nice girl, well meaning and attentive to other people's feelings. Basically, you're one of the good ones. Maybe you lack a bit of confidence but I'd take that over the opposite any day. What I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it. Friends come and go. Fallings out happen. If you are able to remain friends then you know that the friendship is strong. If you lose touch, then it wasn't that strong to begin with. I also just want to say that even though you say it's not an easy thing to discuss, the fact that you did is a good thing. A problem shared is a problem halved. And you know that regardless of how things turn out with these friends, you always have friends on here.

Thanks.

If only I could go to Ireland... I was planning to fly there in June, but the flight was cancelled. I understand the reasons why, but I hope that I will be able to get there at some point in my life. Not necessarily this year, but perhaps in 2021.

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #7 posted 05/17/20 11:48am

CherryMoon57

avatar

It's difficult to advise you because every story is different but in my own experience I have learned that sometimes these situations inadvertently happen for a reason. Perhaps a negative emotion or an issue has been brewing for some time and the conflict is a sort of excuse to let it out and perhaps move on from a person that wasn't necessarily a positive presence in our lives.

I lost someone I thought was a very close and long term friend last year. It was over an issue that we both had to resolve together, but the friend got so defensive instead of responsibly discussing things together they impatiently insulted me over the phone and hanged up. After this, the ex-friend exhibited a sulky behaviour and refused to even say hello whenever we would bump into each other again...

After many attempts to talk with my ex-friend again, I decided to move on and retrospectively, I realised that there had been signs all along in our friendship telling me that things hadn't been quite as perfect as I had wanted to believe. Interestingly, I don't even miss that friend now.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." Martin Luther King Jr.
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #8 posted 05/17/20 3:44pm

EmmaMcG

avatar

FullLipsDotNose said:



EmmaMcG said:


I've lost more friends than I can count. And if I'm being honest, half the time it was my own fault because I was a bit of a bitch in my teens. And the other half, when it wasn't my fault, I made no attempt at reconciliation because I figured if this person is really going to act like this, then I'm better off without them. But that's just me. I've always been a bit anti social, or as my husband says "a bitch" 😂. In your case I'm guessing that the pressures of everything that's going on in the world might have something to do with it. I've spoken to you a bit in here in the past and from what I can tell you're a really nice girl, well meaning and attentive to other people's feelings. Basically, you're one of the good ones. Maybe you lack a bit of confidence but I'd take that over the opposite any day. What I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it. Friends come and go. Fallings out happen. If you are able to remain friends then you know that the friendship is strong. If you lose touch, then it wasn't that strong to begin with. I also just want to say that even though you say it's not an easy thing to discuss, the fact that you did is a good thing. A problem shared is a problem halved. And you know that regardless of how things turn out with these friends, you always have friends on here.

Thanks.


If only I could go to Ireland... I was planning to fly there in June, but the flight was cancelled. I understand the reasons why, but I hope that I will be able to get there at some point in my life. Not necessarily this year, but perhaps in 2021.



Whenever you get to come over let me know and we can do something.
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #9 posted 05/17/20 8:33pm

RJP1205

For the work friend I would say it's good you apologized and just move forward as more of a work relationship but that's based on my experiences that work friends aren't always real friends when work issues come up. I really don't have close friends at work. As for the other, if you feel this is a solid, two-sided friendship you could communicate your honest feelings and let them know you don't want this to ruin your relationship and see where it goes. I also agree with the other comment someone made that a lot of friendships do come and go. As for the pandemic changing things, yes, I think it is. I have found my true friendship circle is very small. After the 3rd or 4th week of all of this, I reached out to several "friends" just to check in and see how they are doing...well, now we're weeks in and guess how many have since followed up with me to see how I am...just one. My sisters have stayed in touch, thank God for them, because the girls I thought would keep in touch have not at all.
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #10 posted 05/19/20 6:16am

Poplife88

avatar

I always think that if one or both people are not willing to say sorry or whats wrong or let's talk about this then the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. True friends want to repair the relationship quickly if something appears to be broken.

We're gonna need a bigger boat
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #11 posted 05/21/20 1:43am

heartbeatocean

avatar

Maybe don't be afraid to take space for a while. Maybe the relationships need space. You can come back to them later, and address the issues then, or just be friendly. Friendships are really hard and need adjustments along the way. Really hard right now when we are all doubly separated from each other. I notice many of my closest friends have retreated and become quiet lately. Everyone is coping.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #12 posted 05/21/20 1:46am

heartbeatocean

avatar

Poplife88 said:

I always think that if one or both people are not willing to say sorry or whats wrong or let's talk about this then the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. True friends want to repair the relationship quickly if something appears to be broken.

I guess that's how normal, healthy people behave. lol I tend to just let people go out of cowardice or something. It's a bad tendency. I did resurrect one friendship lately though, after two years of silence. Wish I had done it sooner and avoided all that pain.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #13 posted 05/22/20 5:14am

KingBAD

i've never lost a friend...

my friends die off...

if there are folks who USE TO BE friends

they killed that and became strangers...

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #14 posted 05/22/20 1:05pm

alphastreet

Sorry to hear that. I haven’t lost friends lately but I had a friend who moved to France and never made attempts to keep in contact me even if she would visit. It kind of hurt we were close when we were in our teens and early 20s. I posted some creative stuff online and she was a little negative about it so I feel she has moved on from us though we never really fought over anything
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #15 posted 05/23/20 12:55am

heartbeatocean

avatar

alphastreet said:

Sorry to hear that. I haven’t lost friends lately but I had a friend who moved to France and never made attempts to keep in contact me even if she would visit. It kind of hurt we were close when we were in our teens and early 20s. I posted some creative stuff online and she was a little negative about it so I feel she has moved on from us though we never really fought over anything

I've had a few people who I thought were long distance friends, come through town and not tell me. From thousands of miles away. It speaks volumes.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #16 posted 05/23/20 9:46am

alphastreet

heartbeatocean said:



alphastreet said:


Sorry to hear that. I haven’t lost friends lately but I had a friend who moved to France and never made attempts to keep in contact me even if she would visit. It kind of hurt we were close when we were in our teens and early 20s. I posted some creative stuff online and she was a little negative about it so I feel she has moved on from us though we never really fought over anything


I've had a few people who I thought were long distance friends, come through town and not tell me. From thousands of miles away. It speaks volumes.



Yeah, it’s like these people moved on without a proper goodbye and have different priorities. Oh well, it’s their loss more than ours
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #17 posted 05/23/20 1:33pm

TheFman

I never keep friends longer than 10 years. It gets boring (as mostly it's routine) and it makes place and time for new ones.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #18 posted 05/28/20 10:06pm

Germanegro

avatar

I like all the advice given here. Good stuff to absorb. I feel through experience that friendships are never a permanent fixture. The ones that last will shift and grow, where love and respect are sustained. Give yourself time and space to be forgiving to your imperfect self (me too) and your misunderstanding or mismatched acquaintances. The time and space can help build self-growth and confidence. If you're cool, eventually you'll welcome cool new friends and maybe reconnect with the others!
biggrin
 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #19 posted 05/29/20 6:42am

estefi82

For me, just a very few of them are still there from my childhood, but most of the them, just for few years. I guess that people move other places, change jobs, etc and is very difficult to keep them, unless you are living on the same big city, and have similar lifestyle, like girlfriends, kids, etc.

 Reply w/quote - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply   New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Forums > General Discussion > Losing Friends