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Forums > Politics & Religion > We're all having a better day that Donald Trump, Jr.
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Thread started 07/14/17 5:29am

RodeoSchro

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We're all having a better day that Donald Trump, Jr.



If anyone needs some humor, it's that guy! So if you know him...well, first I must question your circle of friends. But in any event, point him here. He surely needs the laughs!

***********************************************************

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

************************************************************

A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"

************************************************************

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

************************************************************

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Second Funkiest White Man in America

P&R's paladin
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Reply #1 posted 07/14/17 5:39am

RodeoSchro

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A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

***********************************************************


Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"

"I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'.

When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,'

So, here I am!"

Second Funkiest White Man in America

P&R's paladin
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Reply #2 posted 07/14/17 6:14am

LBrent

eek confused lol wink cool

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Reply #3 posted 07/14/17 6:50am

KingBAD

lol lol lol lol lol lol

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #4 posted 07/14/17 7:02am

KingBAD

lol lol lol lol lol lol

lol lol lol lol lol lol

lol lol lol lol lol lol

"... COME ON DICK... LET'S GO!!!"

"A Chinese girl married an American boy and they were in the bridal suite of a hotel. As the Chinese girl undressed she timidly excused herself with each garment she took off, as the Cinese are so polite. As she bent over to take off her hose, she accidently farted, she looked at her new husband very much embarrased, andsaid, ' Excuse me please, front hole so happy, back hole whistle."

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #5 posted 07/14/17 7:34am

RodeoSchro

avatar

KingBAD said:

lol lol lol lol lol lol

lol lol lol lol lol lol

lol lol lol lol lol lol

"... COME ON DICK... LET'S GO!!!"

"A Chinese girl married an American boy and they were in the bridal suite of a hotel. As the Chinese girl undressed she timidly excused herself with each garment she took off, as the Cinese are so polite. As she bent over to take off her hose, she accidently farted, she looked at her new husband very much embarrased, andsaid, ' Excuse me please, front hole so happy, back hole whistle."



falloff

Second Funkiest White Man in America

P&R's paladin
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Reply #6 posted 07/14/17 6:17pm

214

RodeoSchro said:

A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

***********************************************************


Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"

"I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'.

When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,'

So, here I am!"

Both of thewm are great, but the first one takes the prize.

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Reply #7 posted 07/14/17 6:20pm

214

RodeoSchro said:



If anyone needs some humor, it's that guy! So if you know him...well, first I must question your circle of friends. But in any event, point him here. He surely needs the laughs!

***********************************************************

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

************************************************************

A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"

************************************************************

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

************************************************************

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

lol lol lol lol lol great.

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Reply #8 posted 07/14/17 6:22pm

morningsong

avatar

lol One must choose their words carefully.

“Do I dare Disturb the universe?”
― T.S. Eliot

“Only by acceptance of the past, can you alter it”
― T.S. Eliot
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Reply #9 posted 07/14/17 6:49pm

purplethunder3
121

avatar

Image result for trump laughing gif

You can walk a mile in my shoes. But you can't dance a step in my feet.
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Reply #10 posted 07/15/17 4:38am

XxAxX

avatar

RodeoSchro said:

A lady walks into a fancy jewellery store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little "accident!" she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

***********************************************************


Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"

"I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'.

When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,'

So, here I am!"




spit lol

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Reply #11 posted 07/15/17 10:05am

2freaky4church
1

avatar

When u are rich u always have a good day. He can hide in Russia like Snowden.

"2freaky is a complete stud." DJ
"2freaky is very down." 2Elijah.
"2freaky convinced me to join Antifa: OnlyNDA
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Reply #12 posted 07/16/17 4:05pm

cloveringold85

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Image result for thunderbird gif

"With love, honor, and respect for every living thing in the universe, separation ceases, and we all become one being, singing one song." - Prince Roger Nelson (1958-2016)
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Reply #13 posted 07/16/17 4:30pm

Guitarhero

avatar

Is that Donald Trump Jr

Image result for funny donald trump gifs

Love and miss you so much Julita xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx heart Rest in Peace
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Reply #14 posted 07/18/17 6:34am

RodeoSchro

avatar

falloff


I can't believe this got moved to P&R! Oh well, if there's any forum that needs some laughs, it's this one!

And here's a couple more jokes in honor of the British Open or should I just say - The Open:

*************************************************

A guy is attending the British Open and picks up a woman at a bar later that night. They go back to her room and have sex. The guy gets up to leave and the woman says, "Where are you going? You're a golf fan. Well, I once spent the night with Arnold Palmer and let me tell you - Arnold would come back to bed and do it again!" Inspired, the guy does it again.

After finishing, he gets up to leave and once again the woman says, "What do you think you're doing? Arnold Palmer would have another go!" So, although tired, the guy comes back to bed for the third time.

Exhausted, he doesn't get out of bed. Instead, he reaches for the phone. "Who are you calling?" asks the woman. "Arnold Palmer," says the guy. "I want to find out what par for this hole is!"

*************************************************

The next year, that same guy gets to play on the course that just held The Open - which, coincidentally, Arnold Palmer had won. In fact, the caddy assigned to the guy is the same caddy who worked Arnold's bag at The Open!

On the sixth hole, a dogleg left, the guy's tee shot is not quite far enough to clear the bend. His approach to the green is blocked by a mammoth tree on the left, and there's a lake on the right. So he decides to punch the ball through the trees but the caddy says, "Wait! That's not what Arnold Palmer did when he was faced with this shot! He went for it, mate!"

So the guy decides he'll go for it too, even though it looks like an impossible shot.

And it is. The guy's shot ricochets off the tree and plunks into the lake!

"What the heck?!?" says the guy. Now I'm wet and looking at a double bogey!"

"Aye," says the caddy. "That'w what happened to Arnie, too!"

Second Funkiest White Man in America

P&R's paladin
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Reply #15 posted 07/18/17 4:17pm

cloveringold85

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Guitarhero said:

Is that Donald Trump Jr

Image result for funny donald trump gifs

.

You used to call me........LOL lol

"With love, honor, and respect for every living thing in the universe, separation ceases, and we all become one being, singing one song." - Prince Roger Nelson (1958-2016)
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Reply #16 posted 07/18/17 8:59pm

daingermouz202
0

It's only gonna get worse.
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