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Thread started 01/12/18 2:40pm

KingBAD

I have no pc

And i just can't with this fone....
i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #1 posted 01/12/18 2:51pm

dance4me3121

Ive been using my phone for internet for years now.its not so bad.i do have a laptop but can't get internet on it
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Reply #2 posted 01/12/18 3:04pm

morningsong

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[Edited 1/12/18 15:05pm]

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Reply #3 posted 01/12/18 3:31pm

XxAxX

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Texts from Mom

Mom: How make chicken
Daughter: What?
Mom: Where buy chicken
Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google.
Mom: Avocado

Drive safe

I saw a driver texting and driving.

It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.

Not again, autocorrect!

Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

The Most Confusing Password

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.

We tried S123 several times, but 
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

Total @mateur

A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail. When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask, “Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?”

tion.

Zen Koans for the Internet Age

• If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating?

• What is the sound of no hands texting?

• If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self?

• To see a man’s true face, look to the 
photos he hasn’t posted.

Is Your Boss This Dumb?

While taking stock of our 
products, I read aloud the final 
numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after 
I’d finished did we realize that he had entered the numbers on his 
desk phone’s keypad.

Flash Drive Failure

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens. As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive. Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”

@BillMurray on Child Naming

The cool part about naming 
your kid is you don’t have to add 
six numbers to make sure the name 
is available.

MSW?!
(Mom say what?!)

Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots 
of Love. I have to call everyone back.

~

Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh…

The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it.

“It’s like that old saying,” he said. “ ‘A watched website never loads.’ ”

spel chekers

On Facebook, the English 
language has few friends. 
Three examples:

Post: I can’t stand people 
that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb.
Response: Their, their, calm down.

Post: Is it me or does nobody have manors these days?
Response: I just have a normal house.

Post: I do not have patients for stupid today.
Response: Patience.

How Many Tech-Support People…

Q: How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Now, have you turned the light switch off and on?

Did You Hear About the New E-reader?

Did you hear about the new e-reader? Reader’s Digest and 
Amazon created software that will condense books when you download them. It’s called the Dwindle.

Saint of Email

Q Who’s the patron saint of e-mail?

A: St. Francis of a CC.

Times Have Changed

Trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.

Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”

Computer Pickup

My boyfriend and I met online and we’d been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up.

Ever the geek, Hans naïvely replied, “I just used a regular 56K modem.”

Online Fees

After we got broadband Internet, my husband decided to start paying bills online. This worked great; in fact all our bill companies accepted online payments except one—our Internet service provider.

Broken Mess

When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it’s my boss’s idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

Mixed up Nursery Rhyme

Learning to use a voice-recognition computer program, I was excited about the prospect of finally being able to write more accurately than I type. First I read out loud to the computer for about an hour to train it to my voice, then I opened a clean page and dictated a nursery rhyme to see the magic.

The computer recorded: "Murry fed a little clam, its fleas was bright and slow."

Not Possible

I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option. I decided to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including a stick-up tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM radio. Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio.

The program responded with a message box stating: "Come on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes."

Older Times

Our newer, high-speed computer was in the shop for repair, and my son was forced to work on our old model with the black-and-white printer.

"Mom," he complained to me one day, "this is like we’re living back in the twentieth century."

Technology Problems

Bill Gates and the president of General Motors were having lunch. Gates boasted of the innovations his company had made. "If GM had kept up with technology the way Microsoft has, we’d all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000 m.p.g."

"I suppose that’s true," the GM exec agreed. "But would you really want your car to crash twice a day?"

Caffeine Operated

The chef of the upscale restaurant I manage collided with a waiter one day and spilled coffee all over our computer. The liquid poured into the processing unit, and resulted in some dramatic crackling and popping sounds. After sopping up the mess, we gathered around the terminal as the computer was turned back on.

"Please let it work," pleaded the guilt-ridden waiter.

A waitress replied, "Should be faster than ever. That was a double espresso."

Computer Talk

My husband and I are both in an Internet business, but he’s the one who truly lives, eats and breathes computers. I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching his back one day. "No, not there," he directed. "Scroll down."

Embarassing Mix Up

Students at Iowa State University proved once and for all that the computer just can’t replace human calculations. They held an "IBM mixer" dance, where each student fed his vital statistics and interests into a computer and was then paired off with a member of the opposite sex who, the computer said, was most suited to him.

Imagine the chagrin of one coed who ended up with her twin brother.

Relationship Problems

A co-worker asked if I knew what to do about a computer problem that was preventing her from getting e-mail. After calling the help desk, I told my colleague that e-mail was being delayed to check for a computer virus.

"It’s a variant of the I Love You virus, only worse," I said.

"What could be worse?" my single co-worker asked wryly. "The Let’s Just Be Friends virus?"

Computer Language

My husband, a computer-systems trouble-shooter, rode with me in my new car one afternoon. He had been working on a customer’s computer all morning and was still tense from the session. When I stopped for a traffic light, I made sure to leave a safe distance from the stop line to keep oncoming drivers from hitting the car.

I couldn’t help but laugh when my husband impatiently waved at me to move the car forward while saying, "Scroll up, honey."

Tough Question

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy’s mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It’s true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."

As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy’s mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

Smarter Generation

The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said.

I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."

"We can’t just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that’s the problem?"

"A student told me," I answered.

"We’ll send someone over right away.

Snapshot

I realized the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there was a dramatic sunset. Pointing to the western sky, David said, "I wish we could click and save that."

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